How To Stop A Tantrum In Its Tracks
Every parent has been there. You are in the middle of the grocery store, park, library, or shopping mall and suddenly your child is crying, screaming, kicking, and refusing to cooperate. You feel overwhelmed by a flood of mixed emotions—anger, embarrassment, sadness, irritation, frustration, and shame. While nothing will prevent every meltdown (young children by nature don’t have the control over their strong feelings and behavior that adults do) here are a few tips to quickly diffuse a tantrum:
Stay Calm
Although you may not feel calm on the inside, a gentle quiet voice will get your child’s attention more quickly than yelling. Sometimes it is even effective to whisper as you communicate to a child in the middle of a tantrum. Underneath it all, a child who is “melting down” feels out of control and is looking to the parent to help them calm down and regain a sense of control.
Get down to eye-level with your child and validate their feelings
Children may start a tantrum for many different reason: feeling tired, hungry, or overwhelmed by too much sensory input. But a meltdown is sure to escalate if they don’t feel that they are being heard. Often, by empathizing with a child’s emotions “yes I understand that you feel so mad right now because we have to leave the park,” you can quickly bring down the intensity of the tantrum.
Offer a choice and clearly set the limit
Offering 2 or 3 choices that are acceptable to you lets your child feel in-control and helps him develop a sense of competency (“I can do it!”). The trick is to also enforce a limit at the same time “It is time to leave the park now [limit] do you want to walk or ride in the stroller [choice]?”
Use humor and imagination to redirect your child’s attention
Acting silly and turning a struggle into a game are great ways to help you and your child calm down. For instance, “Let’s see who can put all the sand toys into the bucket first. Oh no, the shovel just won’t go it, he keeps jumping back out.” Before you know it the toys will be picked up, you and your child will be smiling and laughing together, and the tantrum will be over.
Remember, it your child’s job to say “No,” refuse to cooperate, and try to be as independent as possible. Unfortunately, young children are not able yet to control their strong feelings or use logic to control their behavior. As frustrating as these behaviors are, they are often completely developmentally appropriate.
If you have questions or concerns about your child’s behavior or development, click here to contact Dr. Kelley Abrams.