Social Development and Peer Relationships in Young Children

Social development refers to the development of skills leading to successful relationships with others and the understanding of social situations. Social development includes an understanding of emotions, cooperation, empathy, communication, conflict resolution, sharing, reading other's facial expressions and emotions, and patience. Social development is important for the capacity to develop friendships, self-esteem, mental health, and school readiness.

Infants come into this world primed for social interaction and relationships. They prefer to look at faces, can recognize the sound of their mothers’ voice, and cry, reach, and cling in order to stay close to loved ones. Relationships are the way babies come to know the world and their place in it. It is through relationships that young children develop social emotional competence which includes the ability to form satisfying relationships with others, play, communicate, learn, face challenges, and experience emotions.

Infants and young toddlers are not very skilled, yet, in understanding other people's thoughts, feelings, intentions, desires, or beliefs. This is often described as "egocentrism." There is a gradual development of learning through experience with caregivers of other's emotions and intentions to understanding other's desires and beliefs.

These young, "egocentric" toddlers, then, do not yet play and share well with their peers. Toddlers often just watch others, play by themselves, or imitate what they see another child doing without interacting with him/her. Play at this stage of development is called "parallel play" where toddlers will play next to each other but not with each other. As they grow in their understanding of other people, young children's play becomes more imaginative, pretend, and shared. By 3-4 years, children often engage in “interactive” play with others where they talk and play with toys together. Finally, the most complex level of play, “cooperative” play, typically emerges toward the end of the preschool period (ages 4-5 years). In this stage, children can work cooperatively together towards a shared goal (such as building a house out of blocks). This type of play is organized with each child having his or her own role in working to accomplish the overall goal. Typical play of 4-5 year-olds, then, is symbolic, involving dolls, stories, and uses toys to act out real life experiences. It is flexible and forward moving. Pretend play is actually incredibly important for learning about other people, roles, and responsibilities.

When conflicts arise during play, young children lack the communication skills as well as the problem-solving skills to resolve disagreements on their own. In addition, their lack of understanding of other's intentions and desires often leads them to become easily frustrated or overwhelmed, resorting to physical means (hitting, biting, kicking) of communicating rather than more complex language or social skills.

Trusted and caring adults can help support young children's social development by setting good examples of appropriate social behavior. Children are wonderful imitators and learn by observing how the adults in their lives handle social situations and conflict resolution. It is important to model kind and helpful behavior towards your child as well as others. Children will imitate how others treat them and what they observe others doing. Parents can also help by being involved in their children's play with others--actively guiding and supporting appropriate social behavior. At this stage of development, it is not appropriate to let young children "work it out for themselves." It is important to intervene immediately if children are in danger of hurting themselves, each other, or materials in the environment. By stopping the aggressive behavior, acknowledging a child's feelings, explaining the rules for what is and isn't appropriate, and helping a child find the words to express him/herself, parents and caregivers can play a crucial role in the development of positive social behavior.