Tips for Promoting
Self-Esteem
The roots of resilience, self-esteem, and self-confidence lie in the ability of parents to actively work to discover their new baby. We begin to feel good or badly about ourselves right from the beginning due to how parents respond to our cries, smiles, signals, cues, and behavior. All parents have their own histories and childhood memories that shape their expectations for and experiences with their children. The sensitive parent will be able to respond and adjust to the child’s unique characteristics instead of expecting the child to adjust to the parent.
Here are some suggestions for ways to promote your child’s self-esteem.
Routines
Starting in infancy, consistent routines provide structure and predictability. They help a child develop organizational skills—neural pathways in the brain are actually strengthened over time that help a child be more organized. Predictability helps with our sequential processing (understanding that there is a beginning, middle, and end to a process). In addition, predictable routines help children develop a sense of mastery when they know and can predict what is going to happen next. Providing structure helps children feel safe, competent, and good about themselves. This has implications for helping a child develop organization around school work, being able to plan their time efficiently, follow stepped instructions, and get started and finish work in a timely manner.
Problem-solve WITH not FOR your child
The goal is to guide and support your child in her problem-solving efforts but not do for her what she has the skills to accomplish herself. Sometimes, your child’s times of greatest frustration are in fact wonderful opportunities for her to develop feelings of confidence, competence and mastery. She’ll learn that she can depend on you to encourage her. Meanwhile, she’s the one who finds the solution.
Responsibility
Age-and developmentally appropriate household chores and responsibilities are perfect ways to help children feel good about themselves. Feeling useful and needed makes children feel important and builds confidence. We all like to feel needed and know that we're making a contribution.
Identify strengths and celebrate uniqueness
Open communication with your child about their own particular strengths and challenges can be very empowering. Communicate the message that everyone struggles with something and that difference is not something to be afraid of.
Mastery
If parents always swoop in to save a child from challenge, frustration, and disappointment it sends the message that the child is incapable of doing it on her own. Self-esteem comes from accomplishing something that is a challenge.
Praise
Focus on your child’s efforts and feelings about her accomplishment (versus yours). When parents praise persistence and effort, children are more motivated to learn new skills because it makes them feel good about themselves, not because they desire praise from others.
If you have questions or concerns about your child’s behavior or development, click here to contact Dr. Kelley Abrams.