How to Help a Child Who Bites
When a young child bites another child or adult, it can be very distressing and even scary for everyone involved. Here is a quick reference to explain why young children bite, how to respond, and steps to take to prevent future biting.
Why do young children bite?
Babies learn by exploring and putting objects and toys in their mouths.
Babies’ mouths are very sensitive.
It is very common for babies and young toddlers to bite:
Babies experiment and learn. They may try biting and then learn from the parent’s reaction: “Ouch! Don’t Bite. That hurts.”
Most babies will learn quickly and stop biting.
Children three and under do not have the language skills yet to effectively communicate their feelings and emotions. Children bite to communicate a need or strong feeling, for example:
“I am angry that child took away my toy.”
“I am frustrated that I can’t get the pieces into this puzzle.”
“I am excited to open all of these birthday presents.”
“I am feeling overwhelmed by all of the noise, lights, and people at this party.”
“I am feeling tired. I usually take a nap at this time.”
“I just want to chew on something hard, it makes my mouth feel good.”
“I have a new tooth coming in.”
How to respond when a child bites:
The first step is to stay calm. It is normal to feel angry, worried, and frustrated, but responding with strong emotions will not help your child feel safe and in control.
Firmly, but gently enforce the rule “Biting hurts. Do not bite.”
Next, respond to the child who was bit. Offer comfort and clean the wound. By focusing on the child who was bit, you can help teach your child: 1) biting has consequences 2) empathy or concern, and 3) you won’t be reinforcing the biting behavior with extra attention-even negative attention can be rewarding
How to prevent biting:
Look for clues to when, where, and who is involved when biting usually happens. Transitions from one activity to another, intense play such as tickling, and conflicts over sharing toys and materials can all easily overwhelm young children and lead to biting.
Help children express their feelings with words “You feel tired right now and need a break.”
Distract your child with toys and other activities or remove her when you see her getting overwhelmed.
Encourage and praise efforts at communicating with words instead of with actions such as biting or hitting.
Offer your child acceptable things to chew on such as a cold washcloth, a teether, or crunchy snacks.
What won’t help biting:
• Don’t bite your child to “teach” him what it feels like. Children imitate the behavior of the adults in their lives.
• Don’t use harsh punishment or shaming.
• Don’t label your child as a “Biter.” Your child may identify with the label and bite more often.
• Don’t give too much attention, even negative attention, to your child after an incident of biting. You don’t want to reinforce biting behavior.