5 Steps to Effective Discipline
It’s official! Discipline was the number 1 parenting challenge of 2016 (Zero to Three).
Most parents are looking for new, more effective ways to manage difficult behavior in their children. Even parents who regularly use physical punishment say it doesn’t work very well.
So, what’s a parent to do?
Here is a quick guide to 5 steps you can take today to better manage your children’s behavior.
1. Identify behavior your want to stop or change.
Your child refuses to cooperate with your request—he keeps throwing the wooden blocks even though you’ve told him No! many times.
2. What is the behavior really about?
Your child is not doing it on purpose to defy you or make you mad. You can acknowledge your child’s desire to throw. Throwing is fun. Throwing is good for his development. This is a moment to teach what is and what isn’t appropriate to throw in the house.
3. Focus on your child’s feelings.
“I can see you are really enjoying throwing those blocks.” “It is frustrating and makes you mad when I tell you to stop.” By validating and empathizing with how your child feels, you are making an important emotional connection with him. The situation is less likely to escalate because your child feels heard and understood. He is also learning about feelings and will be better able to manage his feelings and cope with stress as he grows.
4. Enforce limit.
“But throwing hard blocks in dangerous. Someone could get hurt or something could break. We can’t throw hard blocks.” Consistent rules and limits on behavior are really important for children to learn what is and what isn’t ok. Children need consistent limits to help them learn and to feel safe and in-control. When rules change from day to day it can be very confusing and lead to even more problems.
5. Offer a choice or alternative.
You can offer choices and problem-solve with your child to find an acceptable alternative for his behavior. To keep having fun with throwing, your child could throw balls outside or throw socks into a laundry basket. If tensions are already running high, and you want to change the activity all together, you could suggest going for a walk or sitting quietly together to read a book. Offering the choice to your child helps him learn good problem-solving skills and boosts his sense of self-confidence. An added bonus is that he will be more likely to cooperate since he gets to make the choice himself.
Parenting is hard, there is no question about it. Managing your child’s challenging behavior is one of the toughest parts of parenting. For more help with using these techniques with your child, contact me for a parenting consultation.