10 Steps for Parents on Children’s Separation Worries
Infants, toddlers, and young children have a biologically driven desire to stay close and connected to their parents. It is through this connection that they feel safe and protected in order to explore and learn about the world around them. When it comes time to separate and say goodbye to go to daycare, preschool, or another care setting, it is natural and developmentally appropriate for young children to feel anxious and show distress. Here are 10 tips for helping you and your child cope with these feelings.
1.
Validate your own and your child’s feelings around saying goodbye. It is ok to feel sad or worried and at the same time excited about the new care setting.
2.
Plan a-head. Familiarize your child with her new school or child care setting before the first day.
3.
Read books together, talk, use pretend play, and draw pictures together about the upcoming change to school/daycare. Click here for suggested books.
4.
Develop a goodbye ritual. Something short and sweet that you and your child do each time (hug and a kiss, high-five, first bump, see you later alligator). The routine helps your child know what to expect and feel in control.
5.
Tell your child when you will be back, “Mommy will be back after snack time.”
6.
Never sneak out. You want your child to be able to trust you.
7.
Be gentle yet firm and leave after your goodbye ritual. Resist the rescue of coming back for one more hug or to comfort your child if he is crying. Involve the teacher or caregiver to help you leave and comfort your child. You want your child to trust the new care setting.
8.
Stay calm and show confidence that you are leaving your child somewhere safe where he will be cared for and have fun.
9.
Bring a small item from home such as a family photo or small stuffed animal. Having something familiar helps a child feel more comfortable when dealing with a new transition.
10.
Be proud of your child for going through the transition to a new care setting. You trust your child to share how she feels about it. You, the parent, can handle and understand the child’s strong emotions and feelings—both positive and negative.